What is his excuse this time? He has to work late, practice, drink with co-workers, attend some random doctor's appointment, take care of a new pet monkey his friend dropped off, accompany his grandma who comes in town, etc. Whatever the excuse, you can’t figure out why all of a sudden the chats go from being sweet and consistent to short and sporadic. He’s like a fox on the run! The text reads, “Hey, sorry. I’ve been really busy. Talk later.” A few days later, you convince yourself and ask, “Want to grab a drink this weekend?” Meanwhile, he coldly replies, “Maybe next week.” Well, it is time to get down to business and face up to what this all really means.
He’s Too Busy for Me: What Does this Really Mean?
While we are all busy and may have a lot going on, there’s no reason why we cannot make time for dating someone we really like. When you meet a guy and things are going well, it seems promising so you get all excited, then… POOF! Where does he go? All of a sudden the consistency and all the momentum from the beginning start to fizzle. You’re confused because he was acting and talking like he was really into you. Why would he want to push you away? Did something freak him out?
There’s a good chance that there is something else going on behind his mysterious and sudden “busy” behavior. Men are hunters and love to go after something they really want. He isn’t going to give up after the first half of the game, unless he’s covering up for one of many circumstances. Here are some potential meanings:
He met someone else who he likes more.
He lost interest in you or is uninterested in commitment now.
He genuinely doesn’t have time anymore to pursue a relationship.
He isn’t into it, but he wants to keep you hanging in case he changes his mind.
If it isn’t one of these more realistic scenarios, then it could be that he suddenly realize that you two are headed for a full on relationship. You can feel like perhaps he’s “too busy for me," but really he’s potentially scared of the commitment. It is easy at this stage for him to get caught up in other stuff, thus one can conclude he does not know what he wants. His ambivalence is not a good sign for the future of the relationship. You should consider the possibility that he may want to end this relationship.
Things with a Similar Meaning as “He’s Too Busy for Me”
He’s not consistent
As mentioned, this is the biggest sign that something suspicious is going on with him other than real life hangups. When you are seeking a relationship with someone, the best way to show affection to them is to be consistent. All of sudden, he’s missing in action or the days are passing without him checking in on you. If he was ready to be serious, this inconsistent behavior wouldn’t occur.
He’s unclear from the beginning about what he wants
You find yourself getting more and more invested, while he seems to be leaving things open ended. After a few months perhaps, you realize you don’t know exactly where he stands. This is a big red flag that he is not serious at all.
He talks about his ex way too often
Whether he mentions her by accident in stories or brings her up deliberately, it’s not a good sign. You’re thinking “He's too busy for me,” but really he is having second thoughts overall. If he’s not ready to give you his full attention, then he doesn’t deserve you.
He’s not as excited when you come on strong
When a guy is really into you, he won’t back off. If you find he’s acting aloof all of a sudden and too busy to hang out, he may be trying to tell you he doesn’t feel the same as you do.
He still uses dating sites or apps
Chances are if he’s active on dating apps like Tinder, he’s probably talking to some of those prospects. Busy or not, if his emotional energy isn’t fully dedicated to you and the relationship, then he isn’t serious.
You have that gut feeling something is off
It is important for you to trust your gut when approaching new relationships. Don’t ignore your intuition if you sense something isn’t right. You may like him more than he likes you, and that’s okay. But if you can't feel his love or your gut tells you there's something wrong, then you should give your relationship a second thought.
He texts more often than he calls
Guys have long reported that when they are really into a girl, they want to hear her voice. While texting is the new norm for a lot of means of communication, in a relationship, talking is imperative. If your guy isn’t making a point to call enough, then perhaps he’s not very interested and with this point, you may have figured out the answer to “Why he’s too busy for me”.
He’s late or blows you off too many times
Don’t start with the excuses now, like “Well that’s just the way he is,” or “He’s just a flaky guy.” If he continues to be late or ditch plans that you made because something comes up all of sudden, then he’s showing you he doesn’t care as much as you deserve.
He isn’t interested your family or friends
It is important in the beginning of a relationship that you two have alone time to learn about each other. However, if he isn’t asking questions about your family and friends, then this isn’t a good sign – he’s not looking for something long-term. In addition, if he’s not introducing you to his friends, then you may have to take a serious look at where this is going.
He’s totally against any public displays of affection
A lot of people aren’t comfortable with full on intimacy in public. This is acceptable if you are honest about your hesitation to do so. However, if you are moving in for a hand-hold or a quick kiss and he’s not responding the way you want, then he’s clearly hiding something. This is especially so in the early days of a relationship, because when a guy is excited and attracted to a woman, he can’t keep his hands off of her.
He doesn’t use the word “we” when describing things
When a guy is into a girl, he wants to share experiences with her. Often, one can express this by saying phrases like, “We should go to my favorite restaurant next week!” or “We need to see that new movie soon.” Men who are serious want the girl to know it and wish to be around her more. If he is not serious, then perhaps he just says, “I can’t wait to see that new movie.” When you notice this a lot, then you may need to find a new date for that delicious restaurant.
He’s not initiating plans most of the time
If he is slacking or you realize you are the one always planning the next date, then he’s not really looking for a commitment and it’s not just because he’s too busy for you. Real men who want a relationship will show you by ending most communication with set plans to see you again. He should be so excited for the next time he gets to see you. Remember this the next time he just gets off the phone without asking you out or neglects to come up with something fun to do together.