Finding love is a beautiful experience. The sweet dates, the stimulating conversation, the steamy sex, and just goofing around together are some of the perks of a healthy relationship. However, things can take a turn for the worse if one of the partners is abusive. Abuse can be verbal, emotional or physical. Many abused individuals are forced to cut off ties with their friends, are forbidden from working, and usually have their finances under the control of their abusive partner. Here is a guide on getting out of a bad relationship if you are caught up in one.
How to Get Out of a Bad Relationship
Don't Mistake Addiction for Love
Do you know that addiction and love have some similarities? The brain interprets these two things in the same way. Studies show that the same areas of the brain are stimulated when an addict is yearning for a drug and when romantic partners are shown photos of their beloved.
It is, therefore, important to distinguish addiction from love. Love should be accompanied by other qualities such as respect, commitment and trust. These qualities help keep the relationship strong even during the tough times. If you're unhappy or abused in a relationship but can't leave that person, do realize that it's just your brain feeling addicted to that person and that is definitely not love. If you’re trying to break free from an abusive person, the first step should be to reframe your thoughts about him or her.
Don’t Tolerate Abuse of Whatever Forms
Even the most subtle verbal abuse is still abuse. This usually degenerates into something much worse. Learn to spot the signs early enough since abusive people rarely change their behavior. Real love shouldn’t be hurtful or degrading and your significant other should shower you with love, kind words and affection. There is no reason whatsoever for them to hit or insult you.
Don’t Stay Just Because You Don’t Want to Be Alone
This is the worst reason for staying in a relationship. Do not settle for an abusive relationship just for companionship. You do not need a boyfriend to have a companion – this is what friends are for. Find things to do to keep yourself busy. Go out and have some fun. You’ll meet new people and have new experiences. There’s a whole world out there waiting to be explored.
End the Relationship
When you try to find out how to get out of a bad relationship, do plan everything ahead. For example, you can have a plan for where to go after the breakup and what to do every time you miss your ex.
Talk to your partner about your decision to end the relationship. Do this at a quiet public place to avoid confrontations. You should avoid breaking the news to your partner at a large social gathering as it could be embarrassing for him or her. Be very direct and blunt as you break the news. Make sure to do it in person rather than texting or calling, except that your partner is very likely to get violent.
You need to cut all ties with your abusive partner. Get a close friend or family member to spend time with you. They can provide the much needed emotional support. If the person you are breaking up with is violent, let your friends know so that they can get prepared and keep all of you safe.
Avoid Making Excuses for That Person
You shouldn’t devalue yourself by making excuses for someone who mistreats you. There is no justified reason for someone to disrespect or treat you wrongly. Many abused people make excuses for their partners to their friends and family in a bid to make them sound better than they really are. If you find yourself saying things like "he didn’t mean to do it, he was just having a rough day" or "deep down he loves me, but he sometimes gets frustrated with life", you should snap back into reality and run for the hills. Start planning on how to get out of a bad relationship.
Vent Your Emotions
If the breakup process becomes overwhelming for you, you should seek help from family and friends. Pour your heart out to someone you trust to help you cope with the raging emotions. You can also speak to a professional to help you get back on your feet. If your ex becomes violent or starts threatening or harassing you, contact your local authorities for restraining orders.
Stay Away From Your Ex
Do not get in touch or meet your ex for at least 6 months after the breakup. You both need time to heal and adjust to the new reality. If your ex tries to call or text, it is best to ignore all of that. Responding to your ex's attempts to reach out might give him or her the impression that there is still hope for your relationship. You will have moments where you miss your ex and wish to talk. Resist the temptation at all cost.
Get Your Life Back
When you get out of a toxic relationship, you need to surround yourself with the right people, who will affirm your decision to leave your ex and build you up. Besides, rediscover your interests and who you really were before the relationship. It is easy for one to lose track of their true interests when they’re in an abusive relationship. Meet new people, hang out with your friends, and get involved in family gathering. Besides, you can enrich your life by joining a club, taking classes or picking up a hobby you had dropped.
Forgive and Move On
When learning how to get out of a bad relationship, you really don’t want to get caught up in what might have been. But it is very easy for one to get caught up in regret after a breakup even if it is a bad relationship. The only thing you should take with you is the lessons. You can’t change the past, so do not try to rationalize your or your partner’s actions during the relationship. Avoid beating yourself or your partner up for the failed relationship. Be kind to yourself, forget the painful past, no matter whose fault it is, and move on to embrace a better tomorrow.