You thought he was the one who you would spend your life with, have children with and grow old with. And everything did seem good for a while – you both were in love, he decided to commit to you and you two agreed to marry each other. Days turned into weeks, weeks into months and now, your wedding is just around the corner. You should be happy, and you are, except for the nagging feeling in the back of your head that something’s not right. You’re not 100% convinced that you should go through this wedding. That nagging voice in your head is asking you to break the wedding off.
Calling Off a Wedding: When to Make This Hard Decision
He’s laid a finger on you
Now you can justify this violence by giving various excuses – he was angry, he was drunk, he was off his medications, it was just one time thing, he promised he would change, bla bla bla. But the fact remains that such bursts of aggressiveness and violence aren’t a one-time thing. Heard the saying, "Once a cheater, always a cheater"? The same holds true here. If he’s hit you once, he’ll hit you again.
You must have noticed how everything about your upcoming wedding has been going so smoothly. It’s because he’s taken control of everything. And no, I don’t mean in a, "Here, let me help you with this babe" way. But rather in a, "Everything needs to be how I like it" way. Inputs from you are ignored, brushed off or rudely put down, and you’ve realized how this has always been an ugly part of his personality.
Compromise is a word he’s unfamiliar with, because it’s either his way or the highway. And you’re the one who’s always caved in. In this case, calling off a wedding might not be a bad choice if this affects you deeply.
There is no bachelorette party
Not by your choice, of course. It’s because he doesn’t want you to have one. The excuses he’ll give you can be varied, but the crux of the matter is that you’re not having a party because he doesn’t trust you with those guys. Or he is way too jealous or possessive to think you having a good time with any other man except him. What could be worse if he has a bachelor party of his own and you are okay with this bullshit?
You're hoping marriage/children will change him
How exactly do you think that will happen? A switch inside him is going to go off and he’ll suddenly become a model husband? Men don’t just "come around" when they get hitched. In all likelihood he will carry on with whatever activities you want him to stop indulging himself in, and you may be stuck with one lie after another for a good portion of your life.
Major details haven’t been discussed yet
This is a big, big red flag. Married couples don’t just "figure it along the way". Maybe on small issues, like on which side of the bed you’ll sleep or who will pick the children up from school on Mondays. But what about the bigger issues, like no children after marriage, or you wanting to pursue your job rather than just being a housewife? Don’t you think you guys should be in sync with each other's thoughts and beliefs? What if you get your dream job in another city after you get married, and he refuses to move with you? What will you do then?
It’s much better to discuss them all NOW and if you can’t agree on big issues, then calling off a wedding or at least postponing it might be the best option you have.
You’ve dated for less than 3 months
Bottom line, you’re stupid. Spending a few weekends over is NOTHING in comparison to spending your life with someone.
His family doesn’t like you
And it’s not because of who you are or something you’ve done, but because they’re just a hateful bunch. Such deep seated emotional problems don’t magically work themselves out after marriage. They will likely worsen, because right now you’re just a girlfriend, but after marriage, you’d be his more permanent partner – his wife. This is especially a problem if his family constantly keeps meddling in your relationship, causing a lot of strife between you two.
You barely have any conflict resolution skills
Remember when I mentioned above that it’s invariably you who ends up compromising whenever any argument or difference of opinion happens when preparing a wedding? I mean sure, label it as wedding jitters if you must, but the truth is that if you guys can’t even decide on something as small as which flowers to choose for your wedding, do you really think you guys can manage a life together? You guys may be better off calling off a wedding.
Counseling before marriage
I know weddings can be very stressful, but if a couple in “love” cannot work their differences out during such trying times, do you really think they should be going on with an even bigger and more stressful decision of their lives? Counseling is good of course, but exactly how long do you hope to be in counseling? You can’t be in it forever!