You still reminisce about the times when you and your ex both were so besotted with each other that you dated frequently, got married, and started living as a couple all within a single year. However, things did not work out eventually and you two gradually drifted apart. Now that the romance has evaporated from the association, is it possible to be best friends with your ex?
Can You Be Best Friends with Your Ex?
When You Can
Relationship ended amicably: Obviously you find it easier to be best friends with your ex if you two parted affably and in a cordial manner. If your association fell apart more as a natural process where "Familiarity breeds contempt", your chances of developing a bond of friendship are higher.
Supporting family and friends: If you and your ex have lots of mutual friends and your families are getting along well with each other, chances are that you two will keep in touch without trying andbecome best friends naturally.
Friendship prior to the relationship: If you were friends with your ex even before you two started dating, then it is highly possible that you’ll continue to remain friendly to each other regardless of who was responsible for the breakup.
Affinity during the relationship: Again, you’re most likely to carry on your friendship even after breakup if you two have stayed committed during the romantic or conjugal relationship.
When You Can't
You do get a positive answer to the question, "Can you be best friends with your ex?" however, it is always easier said than done. As there are specific circumstances that catalyses the re-bonding process, there are things that make it very difficult or nearly impossible.
It all ended acerbically: If excessive flirting with other women, constant tiffs, or being blatantly adulterous were the factors that led to a split, then be aware that these issues could come in the way when you try to be best friends with your ex.
There is lingering love: It could be that one of you still felt attracted to the other at the time of your split, and, even worse, this lingering feeling can be mutual at times. This remaining love will block your way of forging a friendship with your ex. Trying too hard will only widen the rift.
Soon after the breakup: If you’re thinking to bond up within a week of your breakup, then banish such thoughts. Even trying to patch things up by sending text messages or making phone-calls in the first two months after drift apart will seem improper. Have the patience to restrain yourself for at least 6 months to 1 year before you start feeling the need to renew contact in order to be best friends with your ex.
Just call it quits: Ultimately, it’s a matter of perspectives. While some people cannot envisage of living a life where they’ll never ever see their ex again, others have no problem staying apart. If your breakup is far from amicable, or you or your ex just can't get over the pain incurred, then you'd better stay parted and live your separate life.
How to Be Best Friends with Your Ex
Take a Break
You need to spend some time with yourself after the breakup to realize how life was like when you were together. You can appreciate the joy of being together only in solitude simply because an individual’s worth is felt when he or she is not staying under the same roof with you anymore.
When you stay isolated, it starts dawning on you whether your feelings for him or her border on lust or love. You need to keep yourself completely out of touch for no less than a month before you can even start thinking about a rendezvous.
Understand Your Motives
It’s always easier to remain or become friends if the breakup and drifting apart happened courteously. On the other hand, rekindling feelings of love or affinity will be really difficult if the split was caustic. You’ll have to reason with yourself as to why you’d want him or her to be your best buddy or vice versa.
It could be that you want to establish a bond of camaraderie because you still feel that you’re emotionally dependent on your ex--you need him or her to bail you out of a crisis.
If you secretly hope that you two can be back together one day, then you should bear in mind that the reasons leading to the breakup will probably never change.
If lingering love is behind your efforts of befriending your ex, then you should just cut all ties and give yourself some time to take in the fact that your relationship is over.
It’ll take some time to get used to the reality that you’re not anymore entitled to enjoy any special privileges that you did when you were in a romantic relationship. If you can sit this phase out, it’ll go a long way in building a friendship in a fresh manner.
Don’t Force a Friendship
You’ll have to tread cautiously and figure out if your ex is willing to be friends with you. You have to be very courteous in your approach so as to give him or her the impression you’re not being forceful.
Actually, no matter what the answer to "Can you be best friends with your ex?" is, you have to keep going. You should know it’s really over between you and your ex when you two broke up, or at least when your ex starts seeing someone else.
In fact, no matter whether your ex is seeing someone else or not, you have to move on with your own life. You can make new friends, take up new hobbies, go travelling, play spots and even date someone else...... All of these help you shift the focus of your life and enjoy the freedom of being single again.