Despite the modern world we are living today, there are still countries that practice the tradition of arranged marriage. This is not only true in South Asian cultures, but also in parts of the United Kingdom. The first night in an arranged marriage can feel very awkward for the couple, especially if they never spent much time together before their wedding. In India, Pakistan and Bangladesh, couples for arranged marriages are not allowed to see each other before their wedding. Let's get closer to see how those first nights go.
Tips for the First Night After Arranged Marriage
Take things slow
It is very important to remove the gap on your first night and you can do this by building rapport. Start by talking with each other until you become comfortable. You don’t have to act like a very conservative and uptight bride, it is best to be yourself. It is okay to just get familiar via chit-chat and then go to sleep for the first night because you two just meet each other and may need time to adjust. What's more, all the ceremonies you went through during the day can be really energy-consuming.
Let the past be past
The marriage is a new beginning. The first night is intended for the two of you, so don't start conversation about each other’s past, which could be a big turn off and add more tension to your already stretched nerves. Don’t ask about previous relationships, how it went, why it ended and never compare. Just enjoy each other’s company, for this is your quality time together.
Money matters are big no-nos
Finances are one of the most important aspects of every marriage, but your first night as husband and wife should not be spent calculating all the expenses, incomes, debts, estates and the like. Money matters can wait, and for the meantime enjoy the night away.
Put fantasies aside
Do not add pressure to this already awkward situation by telling your partner your fantasies. This will only make your partner anxious and conscious about his or her performance. The first night after arranged marriage should be like light romantic music, not heavy metal music. So take it easy.
Even if all the ceremonies have ended, you shouldn't jump into the act. Just like what was mentioned above, take time to get familiar with each other. And don’t forget to remove all the pins on your hair before going to sleep; you don’t want to feel a poke on your scalp while doing it.
It doesn’t have to be perfect
Relax. This is just the start of a lifetime journey. It’s fine not to have a perfect first night; it rarely happens anyway.
Real Stories About the First Night in Arranged Marriage
Tried but failed -- our first night
I am from UK and my wife is from Pakistan. On top of that, I am seven years older than her. I didn’t know a lot about her since I never met her. All I had to work with were the stories told by the relatives. By the way, she is my first cousin.
Our first night was so awkward. She was so silent. When we started doing the act, I had to stop because it was too painful for her. And then nothing happened that night, the first night after arranged marriage. But after two weeks, she was already comfortable with me and since then, we always have steamy and sweaty sex.
Sleep was what happened
Arranged marriages are done because both families believe that this is beneficial for both parties. Contrary to common beliefs, two people who are under arranged marriages are usually given enough time to know each other so that they can be comfortable with each after getting married.
Mine went on just fine. We slept our first night away because the wedding and reception made us too tired. Besides, I did not have orgasm the first time we had sex but it happened on a train during our honeymoon. Today, we have a lot of kids to prove that sex in our marriage was fun and not awkward.
I acted as the guide
I only met my wife once before our marriage. During our first night, she kept on hiding under the blanket and giggling. I didn't want to rush things or startle her, so nothing happened. The next day, her mom called her and they were on the phone for almost thirty minutes. That night, while we were watching TV, she confessed that she was just not really sure what to do. I smiled and started kissing her. I tried to keep the mood light by joking a bit until finally we were actually doing it. We have two kids now.
It was a tragedy
Our first night after arranged marriage was not really significant. My wife was four years younger than me. Each time I tried to touch her, she declined. She said she was a virgin and she would only let me kiss her after we arrived at my new house in America. Oh, she’s from India. I agreed and we flied to America after a few days, but she secretly left America in no time and cut all connections. Finally I found out that she had a premarital affair. She emailed me asking for a divorce and she was asking a lot of money. This arranged marriage is totally disastrous.