Let’s be honest: having a friends-with-benefits (FWB) deal going on with someone can be hugely convenient to every party involved. You guys like each other and are comfortable in each other's presence, which can make the sex even better. And to top it off, there’s no emotional drama involved and you are allowed to see whoever you want. But be careful. There are certain rules you should be aware of, in case you want things to operate smoothly.
Friends with Benefits Rules
Don’t have a FWB with someone already involved
And when I say “involved” I don't mean someone who's in a relationship because that in itself is a horrible thing to do, but someone who’s already in a FWB relationship with someone else. Why? Because inevitably, it ends up in jealousy and drama, and that’s exactly why you’re not in a relationship, right? You may be mature and "your friend" may be mature, but who’s gonna take guarantee of the third party involved? Do you really want to take that risk?
Never get involved with a good friend
That’s because you are already emotionally involved with this good friend of yours. It’s nothing romantic now, and you might tell yourself that it will never be romantic, but studies say otherwise. And what will you do if he or she ends up falling for you? You’ll just lose a good friend because you didn’t have the sense to not get involved with him or her in the first place. This is literally one of the MOST important friends with benefits rules.
Avoid personal or emotional discussions
You want to be as cool or emotionally distant as possible when it comes to friends with benefits. The more you open up to him or her, the more emotionally involved you two will be. Give "your friend" the same respect. Never prod about his or her personal life and even if he or she does start talking about it, stop him or her right there and make your stand clear.
Say no to sleepovers
That’s because waking up to a face in the morning automatically pushes you psychologically to feel a stronger connection with that person. No matter how late it is, ask "your friend" to leave or at least spend the night at a hotel. Never let him or her sleep in. Nor should you sleep during the night at his or her place.
Don’t leave stuff behind
Remember, you’re friends with benefits and not a couple in love. Dumping your stuff at his or her place is never encouraged because this in turn will lead to more interactions between you two.
Less contact is good
Because staying in touch too often means more interaction. And the more you interact, the more your chances are of forging an emotional connection. And we don’t want that, do we? Call each other just to decide when and where you’ll be having sex or when you have to cancel your plans. No other reason. And definitely no cute texts to each other. This is one of the friends-with-benefits rules that often get ignored, which may force the relationship to be terminated prematurely at the end.
Same reasons as “no sleepovers”. Things work when they’re simple, not when they’re complicated. And emotions complicate everything.
Be open about your sexual fantasies
The entire point of having a friend with benefits is to have lots of good sex, right? And how do you think you’ll achieve it if you keep mum about your likings, preferences or fantasies? Be open with him or her.
Just because you two are not in a relationship doesn’t mean you can be like a slob around him or her. Unless he’s explicitly stated that he’s okay with it, you should groom yourself exactly like he or she were your partner. It’s called common courtesy, especially if he or she grooms himself or herself just for you.
Don’t be clingy
Having a friend with benefits is for sex, not to whet your emotional needs. You have friends for that, so go to them. Demanding attention from him or her just because you two are having sex defeats the purpose of being in a FWB relationship. You might as well get a boyfriend or girlfriend. At least then your expectations would be justified.
Be understanding if "your friend" meets someone
You two are allowed to date. And just because you haven’t dated anybody or haven’t found the right person doesn’t mean the same applies to him or her. "Your friend" is allowed to date whoever he or she wants and if it starts getting serious, he or she will obviously want to break things off with you. So be prepared. This day WILL come. Things WILL end. It cannot carry on forever so when this does happen, accept his or her decision with grace. And if you cannot adhere to such friends-with-benefits rules, then maybe a FWB isn’t your cup of tea.
Go and date
Having sex with someone doesn’t automatically mean you’re in a relationship. You’re free to date, so why shouldn’t you? However, always remember to keep things open with your date. You don’t want to be going on the 5th date with someone and THEN telling that person you’ve simultaneously been friends with benefits with someone else. It’s gonna piss your date off. So simply clear everything in the first or second date itself. If you’re too ashamed of sharing this information, then the next best thing to do is to break it off with your FWB and then start dating.
Know when to end it
No matter how many friends-with-benefits rules you follow, a FWB arrangement seldom lasts for long because one party inevitably falls for the other. Sex is a very intimate act and it becomes excruciatingly difficult to separate your emotions with someone you’re being this intimate with. So don’t blame yourself if you think he or she has started falling for you, or vice versa. You two can talk it out and if he or she confesses, stop having sex together then and there. Even if he or she doesn’t confess such feelings, end your arrangement too, because it’s better to be safe than sorry.