In relationships, there is usually a bit of a struggle for who has the upper hand. With control issues over who will be the more dominant figure, a small battle of the sexes may commence. Women often want to prove their independence and prove that they are just as strong as men. Meanwhile, men want the power and upper hand too. So here are some ways that you can be in control or gain control without letting the relationship suffer as a result.

How to Be in Control in a Relationship


Don’t Settle for Less

Show your partner that you are confident and know what you deserve. If one partner can get away with anything, then the other’s power is lost. It is important to stand up for yourself and hold your ground. Also, if something isn’t working out the way you want, don’t be afraid to walk away. Show you have control over your emotions and choices.


Use Your Voice

Speak up and be clear about what you need out of your partner. If they respect you, it will mean a lot to them that you are upfront and honest. By communicating clearly, you will show that you are in control. This will also make you feel more empowered.


Maintain Your Independence

Always make an effort to show your partner you are your own person. It is healthy to have your own hobbies and friends to spend your time with outside of the relationship. This is a good way of how to be in control in a relationship because it shows that you are comfortable with yourself.


Discuss the Power Struggle

Before you jump into conclusions or think the worst, try and discuss with your partner that you want the control to be more balanced. Use examples and stand up for what you expect in the relationship. Share with your partner that you want to feel that the control isn’t one-sided.


Set Boundaries

You likely have your own set of rules that fall within your comfort zone, so it’s important to keep some of those when you are in a relationship. If you don’t have boundaries and you feel the need for more control, try and set some. Know your limits and talk them clearly to your partner. Additionally, make sure your partner knows that no means no and validates your decision with supportive honest statements.


Show Your Confidence

Having confidence is very attractive, and if you believe in yourself, then being in control should be easier. Show your partner that you deserve the best. This type of confidence will help you have more power in a relationship. If you are struggling with confidence, try to remember what is most important to you and that you are valuable and deserving. Then, exude this in your relationship to help gain a bit of control.


Act Consistent with Your Words

There are many ways for how to be in control in a relationship. If you want to be taken more seriously by your partner and gain a bit more control, then make sure to follow through with your words. Your partner will feel the difference and respect you more if you act consistent with your comments. Also, you want to make sure to follow through and act when you are having a conflict with your partner. If you say there will be certain repercussions, then make sure you stick to your guns. Your partner won’t take you seriously if you always give in against your word. It works the same for keeping promises; make sure to be honest and do what you say.


Have Self Respect

No one else will have respect for you if you don’t have it for yourself. In relationships, respect is critical, so show your partner you respect yourself. Take care in how you speak about yourself, how you handle power and how you view your character. This will all be echoed back by your partner.


Use Silence During Conflict

When your partner is hurting you in some way or being unfair, try to stay silent rather than showing that you lose control of your emotions so quickly. Your partner will realize they don’t have as much power over you if you don’t react so quickly to conflicts. If you’re wondering how to be in control in a relationship, try to do things in different ways if it’s not working. By taking the non-violent, silent approach, you will catch your partner off guard, which may help shift the power balance.


Treat Others How You Want to Be Treated

The good old-fashioned golden rule of treating others how you want to be treated is a good way to get respect from your partner. This will also help you gain some control that you may have lost. It shows that you are in control of your behavior and choices and that you take it seriously.


Don’t Waste Time with Games

An adult relationship is one where the control is balanced, and if you try and play games, then you are messing with the power balance. You also don’t want to date someone who likes to play and is good at those games because it often will lead to them taking control away from you. Gain control in your relationship by showing you don’t need to enter into a power struggle through childish games.


Try to Be Unavailable

Without playing games, make sure your partner knows you have a life outside of the relationship. This is especially important in the beginning so that they don’t think you are too needy. Show them that you love yourself, that you can complete yourself without them, and that your relationship adds to the fabulous life you already have. This will help you in figuring out how to be in control in a relationship.


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