As one enters a relationship, it is inevitable to have arguments and unmet expectations. The first few months are still rocky and you will realize that both of you have unique personalities and ways in dealing with problems. Both of you are still trying to get used to one another and it may still be challenging to consider your partner’s needs with your own. It may be tough to deal with at first but there are ways that can help you know how to communicate with men.
9 Keys to Effective Communication with Your Man
Remember that your man is not a mind reader
The most common mistake that you can make in communicating with your man is assuming that he can perfectly read and understand what is going through your mind, that he knows what your actions mean and how he should respond to them. When you assume this, you are setting him up for failure and would most likely get disappointed. You have to remember that your man has his own thoughts and is a different person.
Think first of what you want to talk about
Before going right ahead to communicate with your man, you have to set some time first to reflect on the things that you want to talk to him about. Going right ahead and having a confrontation session with him would only leave you both confused. You can start off by thinking about his actions that have bothered you or made you feel bad. Reflect on whether these things will impact your relationship and are worth mentioning. Once you have made your decision, make sure that your intention is for both of you to learn from these things and work towards improving them.
Determine the right time and place for communication
If you want to know how to communicate with men, you have to understand that there is a right time and place for everything. Inviting him to talk when he is about to go to work or when you are in a family gathering may not be the best options as there will be distractions in the process. You, of course, do not want your partner to be distracted or your relatives to see you both in your vulnerable state. Understand that the best way to approach your partner is when you can both focus on the conversation and would be ready to voice out your concerns without making things awkward for other people.
Know how to listen without an agenda
While it is tempting to just go on and on about the things that made you feel bad, you also have to learn how to listen and hear his side. This is essential so you know where he is coming from and what he thinks about your concerns. You also have to remember to avoid interrupting him while he is voicing out his feelings. Your man may need a lot of courage to open up and share his feelings so you have to appreciate his effort. Listen to understand, not to know what to say something in return.
Ask for what you need
One of the things that can help you learn how to communicate with men is telling him directly what you are looking for. Be honest about what you feel and what you would like to see in his actions. Even if both of you have already had previous relationships, it may still take some time for you to be both open to each other about your needs and expectations. Rather than going around in circles and waiting for your man to do something that you would appreciate, let him know of your needs and ask directly for them.
Sandwich your concerns
If you are starting to know how to communicate with men, you first have to know how to sandwich your concerns. This means putting your feedback in the middle of compliments and positive remarks. You will not only avoid hurting the emotional heartstrings of your man but you will also be able to give him enough contexts of his actions. Pointing out his mistakes without showing any appreciation of his efforts would make him feel frustrated. Let him know that there are ways on how he can improve his actions.
Do not let emotions take over
Whenever your man has done something that hurt you or made you feel bad, it is normal for you to be frustrated and to feel the need to confront him and settle things out. However, you should remember that confronting him when you are at the peak of your emotions would not do you both any good. The reason for this is that you are most probably not thinking clearly at the moment and may have the tendency to say and do things that you do not intend. You can never take back your words and, as such, it is important to distill your thoughts and let your emotions die down first before speaking with him.
Keep the confrontation brief, positive, and purposeful
When communicating with your partner, you have to keep things short, purposeful, and in a positive note. Avoid being harsh and negative with your concerns. Use words that will inspire both of you to work on the relationship and try again. Give him a clear reason why you are bringing things up and how solving them would help your relationship. Not only will you avoid nasty fights but you will also realize that you both care for each other.
Accept that men and women communicate differently
Another important thing in learning how to communicate with men is to understand that, in general, men and women communicate differently. This may be difficult to grasp at first but the difference in communication styles depends on biological factors, upbringing, and personal beliefs. You have to know how to find a balanced zone when communicating with your partner.