It is beyond heartbreaking to find that the man you were willing to spend the rest of your life with, gave it all up for a night of “fun”. You’re devastated, angry, hurt and confused at the same time. What should you do? Talk to him? Confront him? Ignore the situation and hope he doesn’t cheat on you again?
Honestly speaking, confronting him is the best thing for you to do. All your questions will be answered and you will have a clearer understanding of what to expect from your relationship in the future. This article will guide you as to how to confront a cheater.
9 Ways to Confront a Cheater
Make sure you have undeniable proof
Here’s the thing. Whenever it comes to confronting a guilty party, their first reaction will always be to deny their crime. And without hardcore/indisputable evidence, all you’re doing is flinging accusations at someone who is then gonna guilt you into suspecting him of cheating. Looking for proofs will also prove to you beyond doubt whether he really was cheating on you, or whether your imagination just ran wild.
If you think you can’t handle the detective work by yourself, hire a PI. Sure it’s a lot of money, but hey. It’s your future that’s hanging in the balance here!
Be clear about what you want
Most importantly, if you want to continue things with your partner, or break things up with them. This will help you decide in which direction your conversation will be headed. The thing is, if you’re confused then your partner is very likely to take advantage of the confusion and steer the situation into a direction that is advantageous to him. And you don’t want that to happen.
Be prepared for a shit load of verbal assault
Of course when it comes to how to confront a cheater, a lot depends on his nature too. If he’s the non-confrontational type, then you don’t have to worry about much. However, if he’s like your average guy – defensive, egotistical and seldom ready to accept that he’s wrong – you will have to prepare yourself mentally for an emotionally draining argument (or several arguments).
Patience is key
He’s gonna take a lot of time before he finally accepts (if at all) that he cheated on you. Till that time, you have to be patient. Do not dump the information all at once on him – question him slowly. Begin with light questions like “Where have you been spending your last few Saturdays?” and end them with “So what do you have to say about these photos of you kissing another girl?” You have to slowly and steadily force him into a corner, forcing him to be caught up in his own web of lies.
Maintain your cool
If your solution to his shouting is to shout yourself, nothing is going to get resolved. See, he wants you to lose control so that you can say or do things, because this will let him have an upper hand over you. Don’t give him that satisfaction. If he’s gonna shout or throw about things in the room, let him. Don’t let him intimidate you with such actions. Hold your ground firmly and do so while being calm and collected.
Have a discussion at a convenient time
When working on how to confront a cheater, you have to realize that you both need to have at least 1-2 hours free that you can talk to each other without any distractions and interruptions. Evenings/night times are the best when you have nothing else planned for the day. The timing is important, otherwise your partner might give you an excuse for a meeting or a deadline and immediately run away from you in order to avoid a confrontation. It will also give him more time to come up with a plausible explanation for his cheating, and you don’t want him to scheme, do you?
Catch him off guard
Do not drop hints about “We have to talk”. He’ll immediately figure out what the “talk” is about and as explained above, he’s going to get enough time to come up with explanations and justifications for his action.
Don't allow counter questioning
Unfaithful partners often resort to shifting the blame on their partners in order to get out of sticky situations. He might use questions like,”If you didn’t trust me then why were you in a relationship with me?” or “You invaded my privacy”. Some go the extra mile and blame you for their cheating – “It’s your fault that I strayed. If you hadn’t logged in those extra hours at work, this wouldn’t have happened.”
Do not fall prey to such tactics – they are nothing but a means to catch you off guard and guilt you into sharing the blame of something you had no part of. Keep in mind when dealing with how to confront a cheater.
Keep things on the DL
I know that you’ll be hurt and angry and would want to humiliate your partner in front of everybody. However, it’s not wise to declare just yet on social media on what a cheating scumbag he is, especially if you’re not strong enough to let go of him emotionally and end up continuing your relationship with him. Because then, the joke will be on you for putting up with a guy who’s a known philanderer.
Only decide to declare your thoughts to the world once you’re 100% certain as to what you will do about your now broken relationship – repair it or discard it.