Breakups are tough, especially if they’re your first. You feel so many emotions at once, and your heart often tells you to do contradictory stuff which of course, makes no sense to your brain. So much pain is inside you and you don’t know how to get over a breakup when you still love them. It doesn’t matter if you were the one who dumped them or if they dumped you – either way it hurts like hell.
The first thing you have to understand is that it’s not a one size fits all kinda deal. Different people react to and deal with emotional situations in very different manners, so this is why it’s important for you to understand what it is that will work best for you and give you the strength to move on.
How to Get Over a Breakup When You Still Love Them
No Being “Friends” with Them
Alright, so here’s the deal. Staying friends with your ex doesn’t work until and unless:
1. You’re emotionally very strong.
2. It was an amicable split.
It doesn’t matter if the suggestion of being friends was yours or his – drop it. It almost never works and it will only end up agonizing you, seeing how you’re in the vicinity of someone you love but cannot talk to them or behave with them in a manner that you want to. And then there is the fact that you have to pretend that you’re okay when you’re so obviously no. Needless to say, it is not good for your mental health.
No Contact on Social Media
If you wanna get over him, you gotta remove him from your life because even the smallest traces of his presence can trigger memories that you’d rather have buried away. Remove him from all your social media accounts and if you’re worried you’ll stalk him, go ahead and block him. There’s no shame in doing something that you feel is good for your health, you know.
Don’t Rant on Social Media
See, here’s the thing. It’s very easy to go on Twitter, Facebook or Insta and wash all you dirty laundry on the internet, especially if you’re the one who has been dumped. And that’s mostly because you’re feeling bitter and want revenge. But here’s the thing – a few months or even years down the line when you’ve grown up, you’ll realize what an immature baby you were to put up such embarrassing info on the internet – a place where nothing is ever truly deleted.
Blaming Yourself Isn’t Gonna Help You
So don’t do it. This is one of the most important things to keep in mind on how to get over a breakup when you still love them. It’s impossible that the relationship failed just because of you (until and unless you did something really shitty like cheating in your partner) – it’s usually the fault of both parties. Pitying yourself, thinking yourself as a victim and looking for sympathy among your friends isn’t gonna help your case. Quite the opposite – it’s gonna make you look weak and pathetic.
View Your Relationship Pragmatically
When it comes to the past, we often look at it with rose tinted glasses. That’s because it’s human tendency to remember the good and conveniently forget every bad that happened. It’s natural. So don’t think of your relationship as this perfect little thing where you were your happiest self. Remember all the fights, arguments and accusations that came flying across whenever things took a turn for the worse. The sooner you accept that you weren’t in an ideal relationship, the easier it will be for you to move on.
Vent Your Feelings to People You Trust
There’s no point in keeping it all pent up inside you. Talk, vent. Friends, family or colleagues – talk to anybody you trust. If you aren’t a social person or find it awkward to discuss your personal issues like this, then talk to strangers on the internet and vent to them. There are websites like 7cups.com that offer free counseling. If nothing helps, then it’s time to talk to a professional.
Jot It All Down
If talking isn’t what you’re looking for on how to get over a breakup when you still love them, then how about writing it all down? A diary, a blog or just a simple piece of paper – anything will do so long as you’re pouring your heart out through words. Get angry, get sad. Abuse him, blame him or talk about everything that could be but wasn’t. You’ll find that every time you write it all down, you’ll feel better.
Crying Is Okay
Look. It’s impossible not to cry when you’re going through this much pain. And if you’re not crying then there’s either something wrong with you, or you’re holding it up all in. Both situations aren’t good for you. Repressing your feelings is only going to result in an emotional breakdown…Or, you know, you letting it all out on some innocent bystander. But do remember there’s a difference between venting through crying, and being a damn crybaby.
Get Out of Your House More
A change of environment does good not only to your mind, but to your body as well. Go out more and if possible, get in touch with nature. Go for long walks in a nearby park or trekking to the nearest hills. If that’s not possible then find any other activity that allows you to get rid of pent up energy inside you in a conducive manner, like cycling, workout, dance or self defense classes, kickboxing or even swimming. Why, something as innocuous as meditation and yoga might be exactly the thing that might work for you.