We’ve all heard about that someone who was cheated on got the heart shattered. You always thought you would never be there, but the truth is far from it. In fact, studies show that cheating occurs in half of all relationships. You may have had all the smart answers when it came to your friends, but once this type of emotional bombshell hits you, it’s hard to think rationally about what you should do next. Making the decision isn’t easy, but using our guide below will help you decide whether to stay with your partner or to run for the hills.
How to Get Over Being Cheated On
Acceptance is the first step
Not accepting the situation will make your life more stressful. If Kourtney Kardashian can get cheated on and make it through the day, we common folks can do the same. Accepting the fact that you were cheated on by your partner and that it wasn’t your fault will help you get over this heartbreaking relationship and move on to bigger and better things, albeit slowly and cautiously.
Talk it all out
Talking about your hurt feelings, whether they are small or large, always helps. If you’re stressed by a situation, simply talking to a friend about the situation can give you some clarity and peace about the problem. The same is true when finding you've been cheated on. Find someone you trust or a therapist to help you work through your feelings and help you decide what to do next.
It’s not your fault
You always hear people telling their children during a divorce that it’s not their fault, and the same is true here. You didn’t cause this betrayal and blaming yourself won't help you in the short or long run. Running through thoughts such as "what could I have done better" will just drive you crazy in the end. One of the crucial steps in figuring out how to get over being cheated on is to remind yourself that the situation and outcome is not your fault.
Trust is vital
When you’ve been deceived, it’s hard to trust others around you, no matter what the situation is. However, becoming paranoid and trusting no one can make everything infinitely worse. By not letting new people into your life, you may end up becoming bitter towards your previous relationship, yourself, and the future. Keeping yourself open to others, while maybe hedging on the cautious side, will help you grow as a person and, eventually, get over your fears and your past relationship.
Don’t try to rationalize it
Giving rationalization to a cheating partner can be devastating to your relationship and to yourself. Have respect for yourself and for your relationship before the sad incident occurred, and let it all go. If your partner cheated and blamed all of it on you, you should know there is no meaning to rationalize or save the whole thing. Seeing someone try to lie their way out of a horrible situation is like watching a building get demolished, but in this instance, it’s your relationship and life being destroyed by lying, cheating, blaming, etc.
Give yourself some time to grieve over the lost relationship, and then get over it. Go out, have fun, spend time with friends and family and surround yourself with everything you love. Eventually, you’ll start to feel better and better and will be able to fully move on. Treat yourself right, spoiling yourself on occasion. There’s a reason why the Revenge Body is so popular after break-ups: it’s a real thing that helps. Feeling good and looking good is the best kind of revenge you can get out of a failed relationship.
Sure, your relationship hit a huge bumpy patch and you’re staring at the long road ahead of you in a daze and fearing being alone and starting over again. No problem. Use this time to keep yourself upbeat, even if you have to repeat to yourself a silly mantra that keeps you thinking positively. One positive note is that you can take the time to find yourself before you find that one person who will make you feel safe and secure, and one that you can trust. Keeping yourself happy and positive is the only thing that matters.
Seeing a couple being romantic in a restaurant, or out on a walk, may make you want to hurl things at them during this time. Let yourself feel what you’re feeling, but keep going with your life. Writing down your feelings can help you figure out a deeper connection with yourself and your emotions. There may be a few triggers or emotions that you didn’t know about before.
Look after yourself
Give yourself time to grieve and to go over your feelings. You will have a lot of them, and they will be different during each stage of your recovery. Being by yourself for awhile, with no contact from your partner, can help you make clear of a muddy situation. You may feel like breaking up one moment, and then staying together in the next. Both feelings may feel so fierce that you may want to give in right away. Take the time to figure out what you want.
Forgive them and mean it
Forgiveness is the key to happiness, but if you just say so and don't mean it, this forgiveness only makes thing worse. Faking forgiveness not only will accumulate negative feelings in your heart, but also put more stress on your relationship, which will end up solving nothing and even worse bring up more issues in the long run. So before you decide to forgive your partner, you have to think it thoroughly, really make up your mind and stick to your decision in the future. Forgiveness only works in helping the relationship if it’s true.
Mend your relationship
By mending your relationship, you may need to answer a few hard questions: Why did the cheating happen? Are there underlying issues that you both have been suppressing? Sometimes, there aren’t any underlying issues per say, but oftentimes there are problems deep rooted in our relationships that no one seems to notice until it is too late – or, worse, that each partner notices but doesn’t know how to fix them. Try starting off with smaller questions like if you were both truly happy and then working your way up to the whys.
Time to leave
Sometimes, the answer to how to get over being cheated on is very difficult. So you’ve decided that this isn’t going to work out, no matter how hard you or your partner tries. Staying in a bad relationship because you’re embarrassed it didn’t work out isn’t the most ideal situation. Staying in a bad relationship for people other than yourself is no good either. Trying to contact the person in question will only make it worse. If nothing can save the relationship, just leave, focus on yourself and make yourself happy.