It’s an impossible task -- telling whether you can trust someone, especially when you first meet or after having been cheated on. What's more, it’s usually a bad idea to trust someone from the appearance and what he or she says from the get go. You should observe, look into the little things and trust your gut. Or better still, get yourself a cheat sheet for telling whether you can trust someone or not? Wouldn’t that be awesome?
How to Know If You Can Trust Someone
They Are Faithful with the Little Things
It is only after we have been betrayed by someone that we realize the many smaller signs of disloyalty we overlooked. Those white lies are usually signs of bigger problems down the road. If they lie to you about how much they spent during a trip, or they shut down their computer every time you walk in the room, then they can’t be trusted. Research has shown that people who are honest in the little things are generally honest with everything. Watch out for the little signs.
They Have Self-Control
How to know if you can trust someone? Self-control is one of the true tests of trustworthiness. If a person can’t seem to control his or her impulses when faced with temptation, then you’d better not trust that person because you could be betrayed at the drop of a hat. Research shows that people who have high levels of self-control are usually more trustworthy.
According to the book, the Science of Trust by John Gottman, trust is built during the moments when others compromise on their happiness for ours. The instances do not have to be monumental. It can just be some little things such as giving up a seat for you, sharing their food while they don’t have to, and agreeing to do something for you that they aren’t quite into. Such people are generally trustworthy.
Actions Speak Louder Than Words
someone is always making excuses and justifying his or her actions and
decisions, then this is a red flag. People who can be trusted do not
leave room for doubts or explanations in their actions. They hardly give excuses and just do what they said they’d do. Any
inconsistencies and misunderstanding will be explained immediately
without goofing around.
Watch the Eyes
While it is not an exact science, many people hold the belief that you can tell whether someone is lying to you by looking at his or her eyes. The generally held belief is that eyes go to left when a person is lying. However, there is no evidence to support this theory. But you can tell whether a person is lying by looking at the pupils. If they increase in size, it usually indicates the person is tensed up and trying to concentrate. In this case, a lie should be suspected.
Observe Body Language
Check out their body language. However, it is important to note that most body language cues for lying can also be due to nervousness and discomfort. Trustworthy people are most often relaxed with an open body language. They will usually have their body facing you and their hands at their sides. If the person is all tensed up, then there is a chance that he or she is lying. For example, if someone is lying to you, he or she is likely to press the lips together whenever you ask a question. And those who lie might also play with their hair or nails.
Good Communication Is Vital
spoke to someone and you seemed to struggle to get important
information from that person? You had to chase down personal revelations even
after sharing your own. There are also people from whom you can’t get
help even after asking for it. Usually, such people cannot be trusted.
They Treat Others Well
Still want to know more ways of how to know if you can trust someone? See how this person treats others. Untrustworthy people can pretend in a bid to prove themselves to you, but they cannot keep up with the fake persona for too long. They will eventually slip up especially when dealing with other people. For instance, if the person gossips about workmates, treats waiters poorly, or loses control of his or her emotions easily, then you shouldn’t trust this person.
More Tips for You
Their intentions are good: If you’re dealing with people who take every opportunity to put you in your place at the right time (usually in front of people), then you probably shouldn’t trust them. This kind of people likes to boast that they “keep it real”. But in the real sense what they are really after is self-aggrandizement at your expense.
They care about your best interests: Drawing from the point above, any critiquing should be done to help you get better or do better. It should not be done in an embarrassing way or to put you in your place.
They encourage you: How to know if you can trust someone? You can trust a person who always encourages you to be a better person, to grow and to make better decisions.
They handle disagreements well: Disagreements and conflicts occur in any relationship or interaction. How a person handles conflict can tell a lot about his or her trustworthiness. If this person turns to insults and blows, and reveals private information to others, then you probably shouldn’t trust him or her.
They are magnanimous: Someone trustworthy doesn’t seek revenge and is willing to forgive you when you make mistakes. You can’t trust someone who is spiteful, angry, unforgiving and always seeking to get even.