A divorce often blindsides the best of us. You never see it coming and when it does hit you, you realize you have so much to do..... all alone. I mean, who is going to tell you how to prepare for a divorce? There are so many aspects that you have to take care of, the biggest 3 being your finances, your children and your mental wellbeing. Here we've summarized the most useful tips to give you a helpful hand when in need.
How to Prepare for Divorce
You have to create an emotional disconnection from what’s happening all around you, and more so when it comes to your divorce dealings with lawyers and the court. Don’t treat it as anything more than a business transaction. Look at everything from an angle of a profit or loss, how much money will go into it, how much money you’ll end up saving or losing, etc.
You can cry all you want at home, but when you’re in an office sitting in front of lawyers and your ex, you HAVE to maintain a strong facade. You’re representing yourself and you need to make the best possible business decisions for yourself.
Brush up a little on finance
This is one of the smartest ways on how to prepare for divorce. I mean sure, your lawyer is going to handle the bulk of it, but how smart is it really to put 100% of your faith in her or him? Shouldn’t you also be aware of whether or not the division of your house, assets and mortgages is being done in a manner that is fair for you?
Let Google come to your rescue and put in days to do some researches if necessary, because this knowledge will forever be useful to you. And what’s the worst that can happen anyway – the knowledge goes to waste. Big deal. Talk to a legal aid lawyer if necessary.
Commit to moving forward
There’s no going back, especially if your partner was the one who initiated the divorce. Yes, I know it can be very difficult to think about moving forward when you’re facing such a shit storm, but guess what? You have no other options. Talk to friends, family or therapists and you can even vent your emotions on anonymous online forums – whatever helps you, just do it. You cannot think, "Oh I’ll move on when this is all over with" because divorces can take YEARS to be done with.
Wondering how to prepare for divorce? Well, compartmentalize your emotions. This is especially true if you have children. You cannot obsess over what the divorce has done to you because it’s unhealthy for your mental state of mind and because your children aren’t as stupid as you think they are – they will sense your sadness.
Set limits on yourself and the people you meet. Tell them to talk to you about anything except the divorce on, say, weekends. Or after 7pm. Whatever floats your boats. Use that time to focus on yourself, your children, your emotional and physical wellbeing
You will have good days and bad days
And there is nothing you can do about the bad days because not everything that happens in life is in your control. You cannot immediately take the help of pills, drugs or booze to lessen the pain because going numb is a temporary solution to a permanent problem. Not to mention how it will deeply affect your responsibilities as a parent as well as at work. And think what will happen if you end up becoming an addict. You need to accept that shit happens and it happens to everybody. And you have to learn to just push through.
Behave on social media
Because for starters, posting whatever in your mind on social media is childish and immature. Besides, when you’re working on how to prepare for divorce, it’s important for you to keep in mind that saying even the smallest things these days no matter how justified on a public platform can easily get you sued for defamation or for causing emotional trauma. Now until and unless you’re loaded with money, I advise you to take the high road.
Update your will
A divorce doesn’t mean an automatic updating of your will; you will have to take care of that manually or ask your lawyer to do so. You don’t want your hard earned money going to your ex instead of your loved ones in case something happened to you, do you?
Don’t let your emotions guide your way
Again, I get it. Divorces can be very, very hard. But you have to do what’s best for you and your kids, not what harms your ex the most. It’s a sheer waste of time, money and energy. Put your needs first, and your hatred of your ex second. Do what profits you and whether or not it hurts your ex should be incidental.
Your ego doesn’t have to always win
Learn to fight your battles wisely, because in situations like these, peace of mind sometimes trumps your ego winning another long drawn battle. Let me give you an example. Remember that expensive vase you bought from Italy on your honeymoon, which both of you love? Let him have it. You don’t have to fight over a stupid object to show him who’s the boss. He’s been married to you for years – he knows very well who the boss is. Let it go. There is no point in spending more of your time and money on such stupid issues!
In the end, I’d like to say that when it comes to how to prepare for divorce, know that your lawyer isn’t God – she/he cannot correct every wrong for you. YOU are the one who can turn the tides for yourself. Never forget that!