You know you have made a big mistake. You found someone attractive and couldn’t resist the temptation to have an affair. It made you feel sexy, attractive, and alive after years may be. It happened so quickly that you never considered the consequences. Even though you did not want all this to happen, you are now in trouble because your partner has discovered your infidelity.
You have realized that you were wrong and destroyed your primary partner's trust and love, but you may be wondering how to regain trust after infidelity because you do not want to end your relationship. It is difficult and requires a lot of patience, but it is very much possible. Here is how you help convince your partner that you still deserve his/her love, respect, and trust.
Helpful Ways to Regain Trust after Infidelity
Be Honest about Your Confession
In the wake of discovering infidelity, it is important that you make an honest confession about what you have done. You have hurt your partner and it is important that you make them feel heard. Do not expect much from their side yet, but at least, you need to make them realize that both of you have to talk about your pain.
Offer a Written Apology
You may feel like it is not necessary, but it will really help bring you two a bit closer if you could paraphrase what has happened in your own words. You need to tell your partner that you completely understand the pain and sorrow you have caused. Simply saying you are sorry or you will never do it again is not going to cut it. A detailed account of what you are feeling with an apology may make it easier for you to move on. Your partner could also read your apology whenever they want and this will help bring them closer to you again.
Do Not Try to Push Things
Understand that you have done something terribly wrong and there will be consequences. Do not expect things to become hunky-dory again after making an official apology. You have to be patient and be ready to answer all their questions. They may start to judge you in the wrong way, but you have to stand strong and keep apologizing. Be sure to give them enough space to vent their feelings if you really want to know how to regain trust after infidelity.
Be Ready to Held Accountable for Your Deeds
True accountability is something that will help you while trying to restore trustworthiness. Unless you are willing to be an open book after all that has happened, you are not going to get closer to your primary partner. You should make a conscious effort to push information their way rather than requiring them to pull it out of you. Your relationship is going to become worse if your partner discovers anything else about you, which is why you should be open to them and do not mind sharing your email accounts or phone with them. It means that you will have to give them full access to all aspects of your life to help regain their trust. Sharing all this information should not be a problem if you are really ashamed of what you have done and want your relationship with your partner to work well again.
Try to Set and Follow Rules
Wondering how to regain trust after infidelity? At the beginning of the healing process, it really helps to establish non-negotiable rules. You can decide that your partner will now answer all your calls first. If you have been involved in an online relationship, you may decide to use computer only in the presence of your partner. You should consider it okay if they want to look over your shoulder and see what you are doing. Yes, you may call it a power imbalance, but you have to do it to make your partner feel secure and ease their mistrust.
Redefine Sexual Intimacy
This is where you will feel very uncomfortable. Even if you decide to get intimate after the event, your partner may still feel that the other person is still between you and them. You may also feel that it is now your duty to please your partner in bed, and that extra effort may actually put you in stress, which is only going to result in low performance. With you not enjoying the act because of the pressure, your partner may feel that you are experiencing this way because your heart is still with the other person. The best thing is to take your time and do not try to use sexuality as your primary tool to build trust after infidelity.
Give and Take Respect
You have to understand that you will find it extremely difficult to regain the trust of your partner if they have become disrespectful towards you. The healing process has to be painful for both of you, but mutual respect can really help keep things on track. Do not try to blame them for what you have done – avoid talking about how lonely you were, or their disinterest made you take the wrong turn. Focus more on where you want to go from here, and this will become possible with mutual respect only.
Watch Your Expectations
Looking for ways on how to regain trust after infidelity? Understand that you have to be patient even after doing everything right. Do not set your expectations high. It is going to take some time for your partner to forgive you and begin to trust you once again. Sometimes, you may even feel that you take one step forward and two steps back. You just need to stay consistent and understand that both of you will be taking a risk to give your relationship another chance. There will always a risk of experiencing additional pain in the future, but you have to take the risk and understand the importance of trying.