Trusting people is difficult in general, especially if you’ve been burned in the past. And it becomes all the more difficult when it’s about trusting someone new in your life. You suck at reading people, which makes it all the more worse for you to know whether the new girl in your life is really a gem or a waste of your time. But trust is one of the building pillars of a solid relationship and if you don’t know how to trust your girlfriend, you might as well not be in a relationship, right? I know, it can be very difficult having to place all your trust in someone, but in a relationship you’re either all in or all out.
How to Trust Your Girlfriend
Building trust takes a lot of time and patience
When trying to figure out ways to trust your girlfriend, you should always bear this in mind. It’s not like a light switch that you switched on and immediately, the entire room is bathed in light. No. Trust doesn’t work like that. It takes a LOT of time to build and earn it, especially from someone you like a lot. Don’t expect you or her to turn over a new leaf instantly. You are going to falter and that’s okay. The journey towards trusting someone is a long and arduous one. But…
Do take action to trust her gradually
We’ve all been burnt by someone we trusted, and it left us worse for wear. Rejection, failure, disappointment, breach of trust, cheating, abandonment – we’ve been there. We’ve all suffered and we know how painful it can be to be hurt by someone you thought would never hurt you.
But know that you cannot let your past hold you back. The best way to work around this is to put on hold the trust that you have, temporarily of course, till you know that the new lady in your life is reliable. Yes, she has to earn your trust but know that once she does, you have to give your trust to her.
Look, trust is much like essay writing, but how can you write an essay if you don’t know your ABCs? Focus on trusting her for small things, because that’s the easiest way for you to overcome your doubts and suspicions. And once she passes that test with flying colors, focus on bigger deeds. The more trust you have in her, the more comfortable you will become in placing faith in her for the biggest of commitments. This is one of the best strategies when wanting to know how to trust your girlfriend.
Let go of your bias
Duh. You can’t just tell yourself, "I’m gonna trust her” and expect things to magically change. No. Trusting someone is a difficult journey, and you will constantly be plagued with doubts. It is up to you to sift through your doubts and suspicions and decide whether the fear that’s creeping in your mind is really a manifestation of your own feelings, or whether she’s giving you reasons to doubt her. Remain unbiased and don’t let your emotions or fears get the best of you. Go in with an open mind.
Set an example
So, for example if you did something wrong, like lying to her, come straight out, accept what you did was wrong, apologise and promise not to do it again. Tell her that you want your relationship to be based on mutual trust. Such actions of yours will encourage her to be more truthful to you as well. And this helps you in trying to put more trust in her.
Observe her commitments
People who are trustworthy often keep up their end of the bargain. So for example if she says she’ll wash the dishes every weekend and she does, then she’s the type of person who values what she says. Because for her, her word is her way of showing her commitment. Of course, there will be times when she does not do as she says and there may be various reasons, some genuine and some not, behind that. But know that if she’s the type of person who constantly neglects her commitments or breaks her promises, she’s most likely an untrustworthy person.
Don’t jump to conclusions
How to trust your girlfriend? Simple – don’t rush to conclusions, or worse, accuse your girlfriend of something horrible. See, the thing about suspicion is that unless it is confirmed, it’s basically an assumption. So if she’s texting someone and you suddenly walk in the room, she may strive hard to hide her phone. Don’t automatically assume it was some guy she was texting behind your back.
No. You have no right to do that if you have zero proof of her infidelity. Till then, keep all negative words in your mind. The best approach, of course, is to sit down and ask her calmly why she hid her phone when she saw you. Who knows? Maybe she was just "bitching" about you to a girlfriend!
Talk openly with her
Communication is key in a relationship. Sometimes, the best way to allay your fears is to just go ahead and speak to her. Ask her why she’s suddenly started spending more time in her office, or why she’s been returning home so late. Maybe she really has a genuine reason. Maybe all those fears in your mind are really baseless. If she can prove to you and give you valid reasons for her behaving differently, then you have no reason to mistrust her.
See, this is one crucial point that many men often forget to factor in. If you’re heading out for a boys’ night out and tell her that it’s just another late day at the office, do you think it’s fair of you to assume that she should be honest with you 100% of the time? No. If you can lie to her, so can she. And if she’s not making a fuss about you lying or catching you red-handed in your lies, then you have ZERO right to do the same to her. Don’t expect honesty if you can’t give it to other people.
Show her that you care
How to trust your girlfriend? Make a move first. If the relationship is new, then she is probably thinking the same thing as you are – how do I trust this person? Why should she have to bear the burden of being the one to win your trust? Shouldn’t you also be going out of your way to show her that you’re trustworthy? The best way for you to do that is to obviously show that you care for her. Once she’s convinced she can trust you, things will be much easier in your relationship because then she would open up emotionally more to you and try her best to win your trust.