You have made it to the big moment in your relationship when he brings you home to his mom. This is so exciting and meaningful! Get your “meet the parents” outfit ready and take your time prepping for the big day. You even prepare some talking points so you will totally win them over with your charm. But then again, while you know he loves you, will his mom, the first woman in his life, love you too? How will she react to the anticipated meeting? Well, if it takes a turn for the worse and she is really overbearing, here are some tips so you keep your cool.
My Boyfriend’s Mom Is Overbearing: What to Do
Try to see her perspective
Prior to freaking out and getting upset that his mom isn’t loving you as much you hoped, try to understand where she is coming from. She is obviously worried about her son’s best interest and wants to make sure you are the best possible match for him. This protection mode may blind her from seeing your true intentions and affection for her son. As you take a step back and put yourself in her shoes, you will be able to be more patient until she comes around. Show her that you know how important she is in her son’s life.
She loves and cares for him just like you do
In some case she may love him even more deeply, depending on where your relationship is when you meet her. His mother did everything for him most of his life. She raised him, she fed him, she cared for him, and most importantly she worried about him. Right when you feel she is taking the mom role too far, just know that this is all part of being a mother. Try not to take it personally and instead, appreciate how much she cares for him.
Follow your boyfriends' lead
When you don’t know what to do because you are screaming "my boyfriend’s mom is overbearing", try looking to his reaction for guidance. If he is enjoying all of the attention, then maybe you need to decide if you can live with it in the long run. Clearly, if he is eating it up, then you have to go along without causing an issue. Alternatively, if he seems uncomfortable and not thrilled with her overbearing nature, then you likely will have an easier time working through the issues. He knows her best and can then help protect you and the relationship.
A controlling mom can be very intimidating, especially on your first visit. Try to be strong and assertive when having a confrontation with her. Of course you want to maintain respect so be careful not to overdo it, but you have every right to stand your ground. This is especially the case if your boyfriend backs you up.
Maintain your standard
If after the first meeting you are struggling with her extreme presence, then make sure to set a boundary between your relationship with him and his relationship with his mother. When you are faced with a moment that she has gone too far, then excuse yourself from the conversation. Try not to be pulled into the drama she is creating. Keep your head high and maintain space in tough situations. Your boyfriend will approve of this more than you stooping to her level and causing more drama.
Keep your relationship with your boyfriend the priority
So your issue is "my boyfriend’s mom is overbearing" and you want to fix things to make it better, right? Well, try and focus on your relationship with your boyfriend first as he is the one with whom you will spend your life potentially. Cater to his needs and just be the best girlfriend so that he can see how much you care for him. By proving your love to him this way, as opposed to trying to make his mother love you, he will be able to confidently stand by your side.
Let your boyfriend talk to her
While you are frustrated, your boyfriend may not really see the drama his mom is sending your way. Simply and calmly explain your perspective and ask him to speak to her directly on your behalf. His mom may not even realize she is being overbearing, so if it comes from her son, she may be more receptive. This doesn’t mean she will become your new best friend but at least everything will be out in the open.
Take some responsibility
Perhaps you are the reason your boyfriend’s mom is overbearing. Maybe he said something to her or canceled dinner with her because you two already had something planned. There’s a chance that she is just hurt because you are consuming more of his time now. If you accept this responsibility and know that you are just being a committed girlfriend, then working together to find common ground with his mom will be easier.
Confront her yourself
When you are a bit calmer about the whole “my boyfriend’s mom is overbearing” thing, take a moment to sit with her privately to discuss what’s going on. If you sincerely approach her from a place of love and want to mend the relationship, then surely she will want to help. She may just be jealous that she is not needed to care for him as much or that she is not getting enough attention from him now. Show her that you want to work on a solution and that you value her place in his life.
Pick your battles wisely
If you attempt to tackle all of the issues at once, you may not get very far. Select the most important problems and approach the situation with maturity. Try not to fall into the trap of being overly sensitive and taking offense to everything so that you can progress with her peacefully. Also, before approaching her, think about what you can live with and what really requires mending.