Texting has become the most common way of communication between those who are dating. You are able to "put yourself out there" much more easily by sending a text rather than actually calling and hearing their voice.

When you text, you are able to spend more time deciding what to say. Plus, you do not feel as embarrassed when you are turned down as you would if you were actually speaking to the person.

But should you really text him first? Sometimes if you text the guy too much and/or too soon, he will lose interest or be afraid to begin a relationship.

Should I Text Him First?

Not really.

When you text him first, you change the way he views you. By texting him first you will lose the ability to know whether he is actually into you as well. This is because he will know that you are into him and very available.

Men like to work for what they want; the harder he has to work to get you, the more valuable you will be to him. When you message him first, he does not have this opportunity, therefore you will be investing in him before he has decided to invest in you. Remember, if you do text him first you will make the game easy and he will not value you as much.

If you send him a text first, you are sounding desperate. Men do not like desperate women; it is not a very attractive quality. You want to make sure you are mirroring his commitment level. If he sends you a text, then you need to text him back. However, if he is not texting you then you do not need to ask, “Should I message him?” Simply get away from the phone and allow him to text first.

As well as waiting, you need to avoid the “Should I text him first?” questions that you are bound to ask your girlfriends. Doing so will only prolong your need for instant gratification. You should think about the long term gratification instead.

When to Text

This is not to say that you should never send the first text. You want him to continue to think that you are interested in him. You should definitely send him the first “good morning” text on occasion if he is consistently contacting throughout the day. The issues arise when women sent texts to men who are not sending texts to them.

Most men are not going to be stressing over whether they want to text you, they aren’t going to stress over whether or not they want to call you, and they are not going to ask their buddies whether or not they should send you a text or call you.

Men do things differently than women, and if he wants to text you he will. You may think it is forever since he called or texted, but to him a day is not that long. You need to trust that he will contact you first.

5 Times When You Shouldn't Text Him

Texting has become a popular part of relationship communication. However, texting too often may actually scare him away. Here are 5 times when the answer to, “Should I text him first?” is NO.

When you first start dating. After the first couple of dates, it is natural to want to have instant communication. Do not text right away, allow him to reach out and enjoy the chase.


After you have drank too much. Phones cannot tell if you are drunk or not. Sending a drunken text will only give him the opportunity to see the worst of you. Plus, if you let him think that you are always available then he has all the leverage.


If you are upset. If you are mad at him for not texting you, do not send a text asking him why. This makes you seem extremely insecure and can cause him to run. You also need to keep in mind that once it is written, you cannot take it back. Texting him when you are angry is a great way to end the relationship. Along with angry texting, you also want to avoid any sarcastic humor that cannot be clearly construed as humor.


When you want to be funny or sarcastic. Many jokes and sarcastic statements can be translated as being mean or aggressive without the tone of voice connected to the statement. When you make a statement such as “OMG, you were out of control last night,” he could take it as if you were mad at him when all you mean is that he was really funny. It is important to remember that nonverbal communication does not translate all communication well.


After you have already texted him in the same day. Relationships work best when there is consistent, open communication. However, texting keeps the two of you from having complete one-on-one time and phone conversations. Guys want to know how you are doing, but they do not want to know every detail. Having a little mystery in the relationships keeps it fun and engaging.


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