Sometimes, being in love isn’t enough to sustain a relationship. At one point of time, one or both people involved in it realize that they want different things from each other or from life, resulting in disagreements between them. Sometimes, these disagreements are resolved through discussions while at other times, a breakup seems like the only solution. Some couples resort to going on a break to clear their heads up. In the last two cases, one or both partners may ask themselves if they should get back together. If you’re in a similar predicament, then here is a list of questions you should ask yourself before getting back together with your ex.
10 Questions to Help You Decide If You Should Get Back Together
Have I become a different person now?
You’re the best person to answer this question, but if you feel you may be too biased, talk to your friends and family. It’s entirely possible that your partner loved a version of you that doesn’t exist today, and if that is the case, do you think it is wise getting back with him/her? She/He’d constantly want the old you to be by his/her side and he/she may find it difficult to love the new you.
Can he/she really accept me for who I am?
This is more a matter of trust in your partner. You know him/her best, and if you have evolved as a person, you’re in the best position to know whether he/she will be able to accept the new you, or not. However if you’re still confused, reach out to his/her closest friends and talk it out with them.
Have him/her evolved as a person?
“Should we get back together?” Consider this - maybe you’re the same person as you were 5 years ago, and you’re happy with that. But what about your partner? Is he/she the same person you fell in love with, or has he/she changed? Is the change small enough to ignore, or do you think that might bring about more differences in your relationship?
Is he/she truly remorseful?
Sometimes, breakups really are the fault of one person and if both of you agree it was his/her fault, well, there’s no doubt about it. So now you need to ask yourself – does he/she truly regret what he/she did, or is he/she just sorry he/she got caught? Or does he/she simply want you back in life and would apologize to you without even meaning it?
Please do keep in mind that such remorse isn’t reserved for those who betrayed your trust, especially if he/she cheated on you. Remember: Once a cheater, always a cheater.
Have I really forgiven him/her?
Now, ask yourself if you are able to forgive him/her. Or if that incident happened so long ago that now you just don’t give a fuck as to what happened. Because if it’s the latter, be wary. You might have already gotten over your ex because if you hadn’t, his/her actions would still hurt you. Then there is no point in asking yourself, “Should we get back together?”
Did you achieve your goals when you were apart?
Career often gets in the way. Maybe you got a promotion and moved to a new city and your partner didn’t want to go along with you. Maybe it was vice versa. But now that a lot of time has passed and you’ve both achieved what you wanted, do you think you can work things out? That you can focus less on your goals and more on your relationship?
Are you willing to adjust?
Lets’ continue with the example given above. Are you willing to now be in a long distance relationship? Do you think you can travel once or twice a month to his/her place? Or is that just wishful thinking? You think you can spend so many flight hours (and dollars) on this relationship, despite having a hectic office life?
Did you break up over a silly argument?
Ego is very often responsible for modern breakups, so ask yourself if today, your relationship with your ex is more important to you than your ego. Or go ask him/her the same question if it was his/her ego that was responsible for the breakup.
Why do you want to get back together?
When wondering, “Should we get back together?” the most important thing to ask is why you want to get back together with him/her.
Ask yourself and your partner this question as well. It’s important to know if you two have the same life goals now, as well as the same expectations from each other. No point in repeating the mistakes you made in your past.
Did you regret the time you two spent together?
If you even have to consider answering this question, then it would be better that you don’t get back together with him/her. No point in being with someone who you consciously or subconsciously view as a waste of your time, energy and emotions.
Is it all really worth the effort?
Do you think you two will be able to give it your best shot? Has enough time passed by for both of you to genuinely be able to bury the hatchet without pulling out skeletons from each other’s closets? I mean, there’s no point in being with someone if you two are going to have the same arguments in the future as the arguments you had in the past.
Do your loved ones ask about your partner?
The only reason they would ever do so would be because they liked him/her, right? And if all of them liked your partner, then could it be possible that you perhaps over reacted or acted hastily and terminated the relationship? Do they want to see you happy with him/her, but it’s you who doesn’t want to get back with your ex? After all, they aren’t as emotionally invested as you are, thus making them more neutral/unbiased observers about the entire situation.