Commitment. The scary C-word can send shivers down the spines of the bravest of men and quite a sizeable number of men cower down at the thought of settling down, and while some of them have genuine reasons, like witnessing their happily married parents getting divorced over issues like infidelity, most of these men have shitty excuses, like the fear of facing a totally different future. So you’ve met this guy and things are going pretty good. He’s obviously interested in you because you’ve been dating a while, but he’s showing no signs of becoming exclusive with you. Does he really want to be with you and consider you as a life-long partner?
Signs He Wants to Commit But Is Scared
He hasn’t said the L word
This is obviously okay if you’ve been dating for only a few weeks. But if it’s been months or even over a year and still he hasn’t said he loves you, then something is wrong. Especially if you said it first and his response was shock or hesitation at saying that he loves you back.
In all probability he doesn’t want to rush anything or he just doesn't dare to say “love” out loud because if he does, it will make things real for him. Real enough for you to want a commitment, something that he fears or can't understand. Find ways to fight his insecurity and safeguard your relationship to a happy everafter. But if everything fails and he still can't say love in words or in action, then letting him go may be good for both of you.
He doesn’t inform you about.....
Where he’s going, who he’s hanging out with, what his plans are for the weekend, etc. I mean, couples do that, even new couples. Why? Because it’s just what they do – sharing their lives with each other. And if he is hesitating about sharing details as insignificant as these, it’s because he doesn't want others to be so tangled with his life, even if it is his girlfriend. Keep an eye out for such signs he wants to commit himself to you but is scared of losing his freedom.
You should try to understand him, give him space by enjoying your own life and guarantee him that nothing changes even if you two settle down. But if he still keeps you out of his life and only tells you his plans grudgingly or when you insist, you’re just some girl he likes to hang out and have sex with. Plain and simple.
He’s a romantic, but...
When it comes to problem solving, working things out as a couple, or making decisions together, he balks. He tries to postpone such talks as much as he can, sometimes avoiding them altogether. If this is the case, then he’s most probably in love with the idea of being in love. And that’s not good for you. Stay to give it another try or leave without hesitation is up to you.
He isn’t over his ex’s infidelity
Once bitten, twice shy. He's afraid that the moment he commits to you, you’re going to cheat on him. Now the only way of going about this is sitting down and talking things out. Tell him that stereotyping women like this is going to affect your relationship negatively, and the only way you can move forward is with trust. If there’s no trust from his side, then why is he even in a relationship with you? This can be one of the most obvious signs he wants to commit but is scared.
He is happy being where he is
In this relationship. Things are going great, you two are enjoying yourselves and he couldn’t have asked for more. But the thing is that your relationship is stuck. It’s been stagnant for a while and while you want to move things forward, he’s not showing signs of budging because he’s become too comfortable with what you two have now and scared any change may make things worse. A commitment would mean more involvement, more agreements and disagreements, etc, and he’s too scared to face that reality.
Everybody knows you, except
His family. I mean, you two are considered a couple by his friends and yours, and everybody knows how serious you two are about each other. He loves you but he hasn't introduced you to his family, maybe because he knows you are not the type of girl his family wants for him or his family has chosen the perfect girl for him. He may be working up courage to stand against all the potential oppositions from his family.
Be patient and give him some time because love can help you two over all obstacles in the future. But if it takes too long or he shows no intention of introducing you to his family, alarm yourself.
He isn't ready for responsibility
Sure, he’s handsome, caring and great in bed. But what’s the point if you’re the only adult in the relationship? What he cares about is to find new places to spend vacations together, try out new dishes in that new restaurant, hang out at that awesome pub, etc. He cares about you and all his short-term plans include you, but there is no such thing as a long-term plan or future in his mind. He is just not ready for a committed relationship.
Work with him to help him grow, make your relationship go forward, and build a future together, because what’s the point if you’re the one who has to make all decisions for both of you? Worse, you have to even make his decision for him.
He doesn't want to scare you
This is one of the signs he wants to commit but is scared. To figure out if this is the reason that makes your relationship stuck, you have to assess his personality and why his relationships ended with his previous girlfriends. Maybe he experiences several failed relationships and even though he really loves you and wants to commit, he fears he may be not good enough for you or the proposal of commitment may come off as happening too soon.
As long as you feel his love all the time and have the gut feeling that everything is going all right, just rest your heart because when the time is right he will make the move. But if you think he has been preparing for too long, hint him by showing your willingness to commit slightly or push him a little bit by asking jokingly like "Will you always be my side?"