We don't want to go to your friend's rave. It's not like a guy who's five years older than you is going to be taking you out for the Denny's early bird special ever day before promptly going to bed, but odds are those 5 a.m. weeknight benders are behind us.
Maybe just one shot of whiskey instead of seven of vodka. We can still drink people under the table, we just don't want to do it at some crappy, crowded dive bar. We can pay more than $1 for drafts. We don't want to be shoving our way through a bunch of sweaty people to get them.
You're going to hear stories about "the old days" and wonder why we aren't as fun anymore. You missed our wild days and we're settled down now. Don't try and get us to do acid again just because you want to see if we can recreate the time we went to Bonnaroo 10 years ago.
We're not always super mature. "Older" doesn't necessarily mean we're going to stop watching cartoons or laughing at fart jokes. Some things are timeless.
We're past the whole random hookups stage. If we're in a relationship, we're really into it. None of this little-boy, screwing-around shit.
We know what we want out of life, and we're probably not going to change it. All right, so no one knows what they really want, but we've got a job, if not a career, and some money saved up, because we already did that thing where you spend all your money and then have no money.
We've learned a lot from our previous relationships. Yeah, we might also have emotional baggage, but the more time we've had to date around, the more we know what we like and (hopefully) how to avoid making the same mistakes we made previously.
We age like fine wine. I'm told we get hotter with age. Salt-and-pepper hair is apparently a big deal. Until we hit, like, 90. There are no hot 90-year-old men.
Just accept our tax wisdom. Do you need help setting up automatic bill pay or your 401(k)? We've got you covered.
We might still have some exes in our life. It's bound to happen. Any decently nice guy accumulates ex-girlfriend friends. Don't worry about it; we're not into them anymore. We're into you.
We can be a bit stubborn. We've picked up a lot of habits (some bad and some good), but you're not about to change them. You can't teach an old dog not to eat a bag of potato chips right before bed, as they say.
We're better in bed. This isn't our first time at the vagina rodeo, if you know what I mean. We know what works and what doesn't.