Let’s face it – most people simply suck at being in relationships. The reasons can be varied – lack of experience, lack of trust due to prior bad experiences, or simply because they’re just too stupid to realise what they have and cherish it. There are so many breakups happening all around us that it makes most of us wonder – is it even worth the emotional drama to be in a relationship? The answer is – yes, it is. But where do we even begin? What should we do and, most importantly, what shouldn't we do in a relationship?
What Not to Do in a Relationship
Bring up the past
This is literally one of the most important points to keep in mind: never talk about the past relationships. What’s done is done and you should be focusing on the present and the future. But if you feel that you can’t get over your ex, break up with your current partner instead of humiliating him or her over and over again.
Invade their privacy
In a healthy relationship, there is no need to hide anything. It might be hard to believe but millions of couple even share passwords to their social media profiles because they trust each other. But if they don’t do so – it doesn’t automatically mean they have something to hide. It can be that they’re the private type of person. And guess what? You have zero rights to force them into giving up their privacy.
Wow. Really? How old are you? 12? Are you only going to massage her feet 4 times because she rubbed your back only 4 times? Sure, relationships are all about give and take. But nobody said everything has to be exact 50-50. Some relationships are 60-40. Some are 70-30. And they work. You simply cannot base your actions and decisions on past occurrences. What not to do in a relationship? This is definitely one of those stupid things to avoid.
Control your partner
No one likes being controlled. We are all looking for a person who can let us just be us and never put us in shackles. For example, telling your girlfriend how to dress, who to meet, what to do and what not to say is not what a man does – it’s what insecure little brats do. Plus, that’s the quickest way for you to lose your girl.
Put everything/everyone else first
Why? Why would you ignore someone you supposedly love to the point where she or he is nothing but an afterthought for you? Obviously you don’t have to be by your partner's side 24x7, but that doesn’t mean you should put everybody else before him or her, does it? Plus, if you ignore your partner all the time, you can bet he or she will eventually do the same to you.
Lose your sense of self
We see this in so many relationships today – pick up their significant other’s tastes, hobbies, interests, style, everything and just lose who they are. Don’t do that. Your partner fell in love with you because he liked you, not because he liked a female version of himself. Learn to be a unique individual, who is true to herself. Keep this on the top of your "what not to do in a relationship" list the next time you find someone.
It’s unhealthy and immature, and it holds true for all relationships, not just romantic ones. If you have a problem, spit it out. If you can’t talk about it, then just move on. There’s no point in holding grudges – they won’t do you or your partner any good.
Lack support for them
Again, this one’s more for men than for women. Having to live and grow up in a patriarchal society means that on some level or the other, you would feel that a woman’s accomplishments are less important than a man’s. And somehow if she earns lesser money, she’s less of a human being. Don’t be that jerk who falls into this regressive thinking. You should always be her rock, her unwavering support system. Because otherwise, you’re gonna lose her before you even know it.
When the sparks fade and butterflies fly away, every relationship becomes dull. It’s natural. You slowly get used to each other, and her tears don’t move you as much as they used to, nor does his anger affect you as much as it used to. However, don’t use this as an excuse to desensitize yourself. If your feelings for your partner vanish, you don’t have a relationship to work on.
Forget about your friends
We’ve all been there. You meet someone new and within just a few days you’re stuck by their side. Friends, family – everybody else takes a backseat. Some people even start ignoring all their priorities and responsibilities because they’re so besotted with their new beau. Don’t be that loser, will you? It might not affect your partner but it sure as hell is going to affect you and every single person around you.
What not to do in a relationship – cheat. This one’s obvious. No explanations are necessary.
Keep in mind that physical abuse is not the only way to harm a person – there’s something called emotional abuse as well, abusing without laying a hand on their “loved” one. If you really need to break someone down, try joining a gym instead to work off your frustration and anger, or joining yoga classes where you can reconnect with your inner self.