It really is a precarious journey when you’ve been going steady for a while, only to have him “inform” you that he’s not ready to commit. Because this means that you two had been on a different page of your relationships from the get go, and worse, that you two do not share a common relationship goal.
So what do you do when he says he's not ready?
Of course, addressing your problems and issues is always the best way to go because that leaves no room for doubt. The biggest hurdle in front of you is to try and find out why he is not ready to commit.
Know These When He Says He’s Not Ready
Maybe you haven’t been dating for long
Look. Just because you’ve known each other for a month and things have been going great doesn’t mean he’s ready to take the plunge. Is he being unreasonable? Possibly. But you have to understand that it takes different people different periods of time to get comfortable with a partner. Ask him how long is “long enough” for him. If it’s a few more weeks, go ahead and give him your time. But if he says it’ll take him a few more months to make up his mind, then you have to decide whether you really wanna spend that much time on him, or if you wanna move on to someone else.
He’s seeing other people
I mean sure, it is basic decency to not see other people when you’re seeing one person, or at least have the courtesy to in front them. But a lot of people use the “we’re not exclusive” excuse to date as many people they like simultaneously while knowingly keeping them in the dark about each other. He’s keeping his options open and frankly if that’s the case, then when he says he’s not ready, you’re better off dumping him.
He likes being single
I mean, going on nice dates, laughing and having sex is great, but a lot of guys prefer keeping things that way – forever. They don’t like being committed and all the emotional responsibilities that come along with it. Commitment doesn’t fit their lifestyles and try as you may, you can never change such a mind set.
He had a serious relationship and he either got dumped for a stupid reason, was treated badly or he was cheated on. Again, such traumas cannot be rid of by just “loving” him. These are actual psychological issues that may have him scarred for life and turned him away from serious relationships for good. Sit down and talk with him if he’s willing to work on his trauma with you by his side.
He just doesn’t like you enough
Look. Liking someone, and liking them enough to be in a relationship with them, are two different feelings. Also, just because you like him enough to commit to him, doesn’t necessarily mean he is obliged to like you as much. Sure, things can change over time…but they can also remain the same. Keep this in mind when he says he’s not ready.
He has a reason to ask you to wait
Maybe he needs to focus on his career in order to make enough money to settle down. Maybe things are complicated with his ex and he wants to cut off all ties with her before committing to you. Maybe he thinks marriage is “an outdated concept”. Whatever his reasons, you have to sit down and talk them through. If you’re ready to wait, great! Ask him to at least get engaged as a sign of commitment.
He has feelings for his ex
Sometimes when he says he’s not ready, he really means that he has feelings for his ex and despite his efforts, she always seems to be on his mind. Much as you feel sorry for the poor boy and want to cheer him on, the pragmatic thing to do would be to break things up amicably, and ask him to contact you once he’s 100% sure he’s over his ex.
Often it happens that wanting to commit or settle down has nothing to do with one’s feelings, but one’s financial conditions. He might be saving money for an expensive wedding ring, an elaborate wedding or purchasing his own house. In such a case, explain to him that such things do not matter to you. You’re happy with a plain silver band and a rented apartment, so long as he is the one you’re spending your life with. This will considerably ease the pressure on him. Alternatively, you can offer to bear all expenses 50-50 so that you can immediately lessen his financial burden by half.
In some cases, the man might worry about his finances if the couple were to divorce, and is too hesitant to bring up the topic with his future wife. Here, simply drop the bomb yourself and say you have no issues singing a pre-nup.
He wants to fall in love first
You’ve been dating each other for months now, and while you’re in love and ready to take the plunge, he’s hesitating. That’s because when he says he’s not ready, he’s very politely hinting to you that he only likes you very much, but doesn’t still love you. In some cases, this might be true but mostly, this is the symptom of a “love junkie”. Such people love the thrill of falling in love and once that high is gone, they move on to another person. So if your guy has a long list of short term relationships, beware. You might soon become his newest ex.